Almost Friday!

Thank lord it’s almost Friday… This week has been one of those work weeks where four work days have flown past and you realise you’ve barely done anything. I’m not sure how that’s possible but apparently it is. One of those weeks. I am contemplating getting into the office before 7am tomorrow morning – as much as it pains me.

Also I’ve barely seen Marc this week. His week nights are still filled with classes twice a week which sees him wake up at the crack of dawn and leave the house before I wake, and not come home till later that night, after 10pm. He’s also had assignments due and a presentation this week to prepare for which took him away from me an extra night this week so he could study and prepare with a friend. I love that he is working hard at this and focusing on his study goals. I do. There’s not much more attractive than a man who works towards something, who has dreams and who has ambition.

But I miss him. I keep telling myself that we really haven’t got long to go… His course finishes up just as we get ready to be married. We have a wedding and then it’s back to the two of us full-time :)

Do you ever have moments where you may be doing something completely ordinary and mundane but out of the blue, in the midst of whatever it is you’re doing, you feel complete excitement just thinking about the future? I do. I could be at the lights waiting to cross the street, patiently waiting for that red man to turn green and it’s just another Monday morning where I struggled to get out of bed about 35 minutes before that and it would just hit me – excitement. I can’t wait for our wedding day. And just as quickly as it comes, it goes, and I get distracted by the cafe I buy my morning coffee from and prepare to walk in to order my ‘skinny latte with one sugar please’.

But though it passes, in the moment that I do feel it, my heart just can’t take it. Happiness. Contentment. Satisfaction. Whatever the reason may be for the fleeting moment of excitement – our wedding, a trip to Thailand, a long honeymoon, a new house, a family some day – whatever it is, it makes my heart smile. And it makes me realise that people live for those reasons… People live for their loved ones, their soul mates, their babies, their pets, their jobs (I’m sure some do!)…

And for so long I’ve always had it ingrained in my head that when someone said they were passionate about something… I’d always just assume that it related to work or to a career. But how extremely narrow minded is that? And how completely wrong could I be? I know I am passionate about life. I’m passionate about family. I’m passionate about creating the life I want for myself and I’m passionate about being happy and content. These are my dreams and I’m passionate about my dreams.

On getting married

Did you know that if you wanted to get married in Victoria, you have to submit an intent to marry at least a month and one day before your wedding? Me neither, luckily I checked :)

Marc and I are going to formally register our marriage here in Melbourne just before we fly to Malaysia for our wedding. I had to print out a whole bunch of forms and fill them out today because that naturally falls under my fiancée job description.

Tonight, Marc and I went to our local police station because we needed a police officer to witness our forms and various identification. There is seriously a ton of paperwork required for guess what – another piece of paper!

Funny thing was on the way home from the police station, Marc randomly asked me if I thought I’d feel any different after we got married. My truthful answer was a no. I honestly don’t think we would feel any different. Yes, it would be formal and legalised, we’d be husband and wife and we’d be able to refer to each other as ‘hubby’ and ‘wifey’ (as cheese balls as that sounds!) but when it comes to actually living our everyday life? It would be no different than what it is today.

The fact that we have been together for almost a decade and lived together for almost four years now… You could say we’re pretty much married! And I say that with utmost pride, love and loyalty. One of my besties is about to move in with her boyfriend for the first time and she asked me what it was like living with a man you know you want to spend the rest of your life with. My answer? It’s like living with your best friend. And so much more. I just can’t describe the companionship and the friendship and the love that comes with living with someone you love and will marry one day.

The past four years living with Marc has been amazing. I consider myself a very lucky girl. The fact that we’re pretty much always on the same wavelength when it comes to cleanliness and hygiene levels, common interests, general compatibility – that is a huge plus times infinity right there.

But of course like every other relationship and when two people not only share their lives together but their living space, it’s not always rainbows and unicorns and lollipops. I wish! Marc and I have our days, our moments… There are days where all we do is pick fights or bicker. There are days where he just pushes my buttons and is so goddamn annoying. There are days where I’m just a plain bitch (hello PMS!). We definitely have our not-so-pretty moments…

But I honestly reckon that that is all part of what a serious, committed relationship is all about… At the end of the day, we are quick to make up, we love and adore each other, we want each other to be the happiest we can be, we support each other, we share the same values and beliefs… And we understand that it is going to take a lot of hard work to keep our soon-to-be marriage going!

So hard to believe we have hit the 3 month mark to the big day! It’s just a little insane… I’m so, so excited to start this next part of our journey together. Ive realised over the last six months that my emotions and feelings of stress from planning our wedding really did overwhelm me and definitely tried to override my excitement for the big day… But now? Now that we’re mere months out from our wedding day, even the stress can’t get me down… I’m not letting it. And I’m determined to keep it that way for a little while more!

My Saturday morning

It’s mid-Saturday morning and so far I’ve had breakfast and been to the gym! I did my third session of C25K… It’s going well! I love it!

The major improvement I’ve seen is that I finally see a glimpse of actually enjoying a run. Before this I knew for a fact that I hated running. Now? Not so much. Can I run yet? I don’t think so. The program is based on a combination of running and walking – so yes, I have been running but until I run a full 5k without any stops or feeling like I want to die, then I don’t think I can fully say that I can run just yet.

Marc on the other hand begs to differ. My sweetheart and the optimist of the household thinks that it is a huge improvement that I’m running even if it’s broken up with walks and in intervals. I guess he’s right… Baby steps!

So now I’m listening to my babe in the shower singing to Alicia Keys. He’s a complete closet Alicia Keys fan! We’re off to the jewellers today to hopefully order our wedding bands :) I’m swooning with excitement!

That’s my Saturday morning and not even the dismal, rainy weather out there can get me down… Happy Saturday!

My Friday night

I’ve had a good week at work… Met my targets and was happy to be able to leave work just after four this afternoon. Nothing beats leaving work early on a Friday!

Marc was home early-ish too and we had planned to go to the gym together. But of course the ‘but it’s Friday!’ excuse got the better of us and we skipped our gym session. Instead we cooked the most delicious stir-fry noodle dinner together. One of Marc’s favourite things to do is for us to cook together. He loves it. I don’t love the cooking part, but l do love the company. When we cook, we talk a lot, we laugh, we joke around… It’s actually kind of nice to do that at the end of a busy week – to reconnect, recap the week, plan the weekend – lately, as much as I’ve loved the tv shows I’ve been watching religiously, I’ve found that it’s so nice and surprisingly relaxing to have the tv turned off. Even if it’s for just an hour. The tv is turned on a lot in our house! A bad habit we’re trying to get rid off.

After dinner, it was still light outside and to make the most of whatever daylight savings we have left, we put on our walking shoes and walked our neighbourhood. We do evening walks around the ‘hood a fair bit but once in awhile we throw in a big one. Like an hour and a half, sometimes two hours long. It’s another way we can connect with each other and just catch up on each other’s day or even week without distractions around us. We also use our walks to explore the many beautiful streets around us which happen to have some most amazing and beautiful homes – I like to stalk pretty houses!

So tonight was one of those extra long walks – we walked out and the sun was still out. It slowly went down and by the time we got home, it was pitch black. And that was pretty much my Friday night… If that is what my Friday nights are going to be like for the next fifty years of my life? I’m okay with that :)

Have a great weekend!

I want to renovate!

I came home to these last week… Pretty :) Marc and I got into an argument and we were both extremely frustrated with one another. The next day he got me a bunch of flowers. Why is it that he is so damn freaking good at saying ‘sorry’? And I’m not? I am making such a conscious effort to be the one that apologises first… Not because he always does but because I need to learn to get off my high horse sometimes. I don’t know if it comes with being a Leo – too much pride – but my heart melts and l feel guilty to no end that in 90% of our bickering or arguments, he is the first to make peace. Bless his good, good heart.

Anyway! The point to this post is… Remember the house that we were extremely interested in a few weeks ago? It went to auction last weekend and it was passed in. It didn’t sell! Which means no one made a bid! Hmm, maybe we should’ve put an offer in… Maybe we would’ve had a new house to play with now. Maybe!

I’m just itching to renovate… I already know what my next kitchen is going to look like. I can’t wait to have a house big enough to entertain more than six people at any one time. I told Marc that our next house is where we’re going to have people over to celebrate our birthdays. At the moment, we have always celebrated our birthdays out and about, mostly at restaurants.

I just hope when we’re ready, there will be a perfect home for us… Somewhere out there.

Are we ever ready?

Yesterday after the baptism, we were at a friend’s house where all our other friends and their children came along…

I turned around and snapped this cute photo of Marc and one of our friends’ 6-month old son. I couldn’t help but smile.

Marc loves kids. I think he always has and he’s only learnt that over the last five years or so since some of his friends started having kids and since Dylan and Lara were born. He adores kids and I swear, just knowing this makes my heart incredibly happy and content.

Me? I have loved kids all my life. When I was younger, barely six or seven, I remember helping my aunties out with my little cousins… Whether it was helping bath them, change them or feed them. I wanted to be there either watching or helping out. I also have many memories of tirelessly carrying my baby cousins, hours on end, never wanting to put them down. Mind you, these ‘baby’ cousins are now in their early twenties!

Today, a colleague of mine who just had her second baby not long ago, brought her newborn in to the office for a visit. Boy did I swoon and gush. Though it’s not surprising because I adore babies, I still do feel surprised about just what my insides are feeling when it comes to these tiny, little newborns who only know how to cry, eat, sleep and poop.

I go for days feeling like there’s no way I could be a parent – it’s just too hard, too much work, too much responsibility, too much pressure, too much of a lifestyle change selfishly, and let’s not forget they’re expensive!

But then, on other days, it’s like – I want one of those now! Today! Let’s have a baby now! Am I crazy?! I fantasise about the idea of Marc and I becoming parents for the first time and what our baby would look like and whether he or she would be laid back and care free like Marc or would he or she be stubborn like me? Today was definitely one of those days…

Mostly I can’t wait to have a family with little people in it but I think I’m still a little stuck in the selfish phase of my life where I don’t want to be responsible for another human being just yet… Partly because I’m just not ready to give up the freedom to do things when I want, wherever I want, to not live by a sleeping and feeding schedule, to be able to just go to the movies spontaneously one night… And partly because I am terrified like hell. Terrified that I would not have a clue how to keep another dependent human being alive for at least the next 18 years… Terrified that I would do a horrible job as a parent… Terrified that I will not be the parent I dream of being… The one who raises her kids to be independent, confident, passionate, kind, happy,
respectful and successful individuals.

It is just plain scary is all.