Category Archives: Stress

Funky May

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The month of May did not play out too well for me. I found myself to be in a bit of a funk. I don’t think I would pin it down to any one specific moment, thought or event that happened. Maybe it was just a combination of a few things but… I was in a funk.

I had someone very, very close to me hurt me in a way I never thought they would. It not only hurt the deepest part of my heart, but it broke the trust between us and it caused me to spend far too much of my time in tears. Not worth it. But it happened and I accepted it and learnt to forgive. I also learnt that forgiving may just be the easiest part. Forgetting is hard. Learning to trust again is even harder. Having said that, I also learnt a valuable lesson in that sometimes I put certain people in my life up on a pedestal when really, it’s not where they belong. They are only up there because I put them there. Not because they want to be there. I learnt that they are human just like I am. They also make mistakes just like I do.

Apart from that, work is progressively getting a little more stressful each day. I’m not sure if it’s just the nature of my job. Or whether because it’s the end of financial year. Could be a combination of both. I came off my 3 month probation last week and had only positive, pleasing and promising reports from my team leader and manager which is a relief. I don’t have to pack up my stuff in a box and leave escorted by security! That must mean they like me and want me to stay? But in all seriousness, when I say it’s a relief, it really is a relief. What a difference 3 months makes. Where I am today at this job compared to where I was the first four weeks of this new job? SO different. Moons and miles apart. The first few weeks of learning a new system, a new process a new way of doing things, getting to know a whole new group of people… it’s all overwhelming and daunting and I remember wondering to myself if there ever was going to be a light at the end of what seemed like a dragged out, long tunnel. Now, 3 months later, it seems that the end of the tunnel is in sight. And although it is in sight, I may never ever truly reach it, but that’s just the nature of my job and my industry – it’s always changing, there’s always something new to learn and there’s always, most definitely always, a challenge lying ahead…

Now that it’s June,  I feel like I’ve almost climbed out of this funk. With all that is happening around me and with what I can see that’s coming up ahead as far as my head and my heart will let me, it is all good. All exciting. All glass half-full type of things. I only have to believe. Which brings me to the photo above. That was Macy’s theme when we were in my most favourite city in the world thus far, New York City.

BELIEVE. That is all.

Just to say hi

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Just a quick hello to say hey and that I haven’t figured out my camera problem just yet! Life is happening all around me… for that I am grateful, though I wish I was on vacation somewhere… Mexico perhaps… Brazil… Canada… anywhere, really. I can’t remember if I mentioned that my dad is in town… yes he is, and it’s been quite wonderful. We spent some quality time together last weekend at my sister’s… it was nice. Watching him with his new grand-daughter is really something else. Another story, for another day I think. Yesterday, we learnt that our friend’s dad passed away from cancer. Awful to see him go, yet nothing can beat how awful the disease has been to him…. so it’s better that he passed. That has always been my view when it comes to these issues. Work? Let’s not go there… I quit my last job to get out of a company whose staff was crumbling all around and management were too oblivious to notice anything. I have found myself a new job with decent management but a job that demands so much of me mentally that I am just exhausted. I am doing almost exactly the same job as I did with my last one… yet, how can it be so different? It baffles me sometimes. Still not too happy with my career situation but I just have to hang in there… life other than that is sweet… Marc’s brother and his wife are expecting a baby… we’ll have another niece/nephew to love… life is sweet.

Three more days…

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Only three more days until we take off on a holiday planned nearly a year ago! Two more days of having to keep my sanity at work… seriously? This new firm is teaching me things I never knew. Most of all, it’s teaching me the ‘real’ meaning of pressure. Holy freaking cow, I’ve never felt so stressed with a job in awhile… yes I was a little stressed before Christmas with friends resigning beside me left right and centre and me trying to go to interviews during work hours, but that was emotional stress more than anything. Now? It’s completely different. Job-related stress. I actually broke down in tears one day this week, at home of course, never ever show tears at work. Is this stress all worth it?! I don’t know… I don’t have an answer just yet. I’m just glad to be going on a holiday… in three days, Marc and I will be road tripping New Zealand’s South Island… we plan on just forgetting about our hectic lives here in Melbourne but focus on the long awaited holiday in front of us… the open road… fantastic scenery… different people we will meet… lovely sights to take in… and the awesome adventures we will discover. It’s been nearly a year since our last ‘holiday’… so we’re going to cherish every moment.

If I don’t get a chance to post before we leave, have a fantastic next couple of weeks! I’ll definitely be back with some amazing photos… I hope. Toodles for now.

Life is cool, wild and sweet

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Wow, this week has flown… I haven’t had the chance to sit down and blog till today, and it’s nearly the weekend… there are moments in my career where it makes me wonder if I’ve made the right choice in picking the right career path. If I’ve made the right choice in investing so much of my time, energy and money in ‘studying professionally’… most of the time I know I’ve made the right decisions that have led me up to where I am today. But there are certain times when challenges, and really tough ones I might add, arise which sort of make me think twice. It’s not a very nice feeling, as it causes me to re-evaluate my entire career path which eventually causes me to re-evaluate my future and suddenly I’m not so sure and I feel completely lost! Argh, it’s horrible.

Lately, these ‘challenges’ have popped up at this new firm and really, it’s to nobody’s fault, but I suppose I just have to push through and see where it takes me. Funnily enough, an ex-colleague of mine called me today offering me a position in his firm and it’s basically a position with my name written all over it, I wouldn’t even have to interview for it! Sounds incredibly tempting… but I can’t possibly accept a new job offer after only having been at this ‘new’ firm for a month, not even! I’ve politely turned him down and know that it was mostly the right thing to do. Had I accepted it knowing it was because of the challenges I’m going through right now, I would’ve been running away from challenges that I no doubt can face, but just don’t want to…. and that’s not how it should be.

Oh enough about work. It’s getting too serious and weighing me down! On a lighter note, I managed to catch up with the awesome bunch last weekend… it was so fantastic. Boy do I miss those guys. Honestly I never really realised how attached I was to them and how close we really were until now… when it’s been two months since we’ve all worked together and yet we’re texting, calling and emailing each other all the time. We do dinners together… up next on our agenda, we might rent a beach house for a weekend and just chill. Beautiful people whom I cannot speak more highly of!

Goodbye Thursday, bring on Friday!

Looking to the Future

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Wow. In just a couple of days it will be a month since I last blogged! And in just under a week, Christmas will be here… I love Christmas and everything about it. The decorations, the tree, lights, carols, Christmas movies, Christmas pudding, presents, gathering as a family… everything. For me, it has been a little tough to get in the Christmas spirit this year… don’t get me wrong, I was itching to have my tree up in the last week of November but I patiently waited till the 1st of December. But a crap load as happened in the last three weeks that has left me emotionally drained and exhausted!

I officially resigned from my job yesterday. A very emotional day where I opened up my head and my heart to senior management and just let it all out… the tears kept flowing, though I did not wish it that way, they just did not stop. And the two managers I opened up to were nothing but amazing to me. Every bit of unhappiness I felt towards the firm and my job in the last ten months just came out. We’ve had  three people including myself resign in the last two weeks. What do you think that says about the firm I work for? And I can tell you that it was an ironic coincidence that the three of us resigned at practically the same time as none of us knew we were each looking for somewhere else to go, though we knew that we were unhappy with where we were…

So after lots of tears and lots of goodbyes, I am tired. I am ready for Christmas. I am ready for a break of doing absolutely nothing. I am ready for the new year and a new job. A fresh new start… I know that I made the right decision in leaving, and that was something I really had to do for everyone around me and especially for myself…